The John Report: Talking Smack for 10/02/09 (Smackdown's 10th Anniversary)

Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE's Friday broadcast, Smackdown. No ECW this week. I was away and didn't have time to see it.

Taped from Boston, Massachusetts let's talk some smack...

- Cool video package highlighting the history of Smackdown. I've generally liked Smackdown a lot over the past ten years and in the seven years since the rosters split I have definitely enjoyed it more than Raw. The best days were from about summer of 2002 through the next year or so. The best run of quality TV matches in WWE history, no doubt.

- New theme song. That's nice. I can't say I'll miss the old one.

- The announcers were in ring and said every superstar from Raw, Smackdown and ECW was at the show even though I never saw Christian or a bunch of other dudes. Not to mention no Mickie. I did read that management threw a party at the hotel, though, so everybody was likely there. Then they threw backstage for video of the party.

Batista d. Kane (*)
Seen it before. Never liked it that much before or here. Batista's had good matches with Undertaker. With other big guys? Doesn't happen. Credit to the Undertaker. Oh, and I hate the "guy punches in the turnbuckle leading to the obvious powerbomb" spot that ended this match. Stop doing it.

- More backstage. Michael Cole was drinking and acting like a jackass by shouting his patented "vintage" at every opportunity. I laughed. I also applaud MC for making fun of himself like that. Finlay did a toast, everybody drank and Punk showed up to tell them to stop drinking. Didn't work. Vickie showed up, said she was managing a new talent just signed named Eric Escobar (complete with a long rolling of the R too) that was also her boyfriend. Then The Undertaker showed up except that it was really Santino dressed up as him thinking it was a costume party. This whole thing was pretty good. Honestly.

- After a break, more backstage. Cole said a bad Hornswoggle joke, so the little guy kicked him in the shin. I applauded that. And I don't like the little guy. On the other side, MVP had a VIP area of the party with Mark Henry as the bouncer. The deal was they let everybody in except Zach Ryder. Even the Iron Shiek showed up to call Ryder a jabroni. What did you get for getting past the red rope? To stand five feet away and pretend like you're enjoying the party. Wow.

- Next we got a tribute video honoring the late great Eddie Guerrero. It was really well done and touching on WWE's part. I'll say this about Eddie. I've been writing about pro wrestling on the internet for ten years. When Eddie died in November of 2005 I was in near tears while I wrote a column in tribute to him. At the end of the column, I asked other fans of Eddie to send in their thoughts and I posted them over the next week. I got nearly 400 of them. I believe the official count was 387 or something like that. By the end of that week, after I read every single one of those emails, I was emotionally lifted. I didn't sleep much and I had a hard time thinking about other things, but I felt better because we as fans were able to connect by talking to eachother about this special human being. We are all better for having watched him perform for us. Here's a
link to the last batch of them. If you scroll all the way to the bottom you can read the four that came before it and also the other tributes we wrote at the Oratory. Here are a couple of paragraphs of what I wrote after Eddie passed:

I never met Eddie Guerrero. I never had that honor and that pleasure. I did pay to see him, though. I have been one of those millions of fans that chanted his name in an arena. I'm glad I did because I'll have those stories to pass on to those that missed him. If I did get to meet Eddie I would have shook his hand. I would have hugged him. I would have said thank you. I would have said, man, you're the reason why I love this business! He was. I'm glad I have my tapes, my DVDs and my memories. But I'm in near tears as I write this because I know that I will never see another new Eddie Guerrero match again.

I'm going to miss everything about Eddie Guerrero. The frog splash. The three amigos suplex spot. That monkey flip bump he'd do in every match. Those hilarious skits he did with Chavo. That heel smirk of his. The way he'd bounce to the ring in the low rider. His speed. The way he sold moves. The way he made everything look so smooth. That voice of his. Those top of the line promos. Everything he did was great. The guy had no flaws. The phrase "Latino Heat." Those times when he'd go up top and Tazz would talk about how Eddie is feeling froggy. In this business, he was at the top. He went out on top. In my mind and my heart, he went out as a champion.

Thank you, Eddie Guerrero. For everything. I will never forget you and I will never stop missing you. Thank you so very much.

Four years later, I still smile when I see his face or think about him. That's the Eddie that I'll always remember. Very cool hearing the crowd chanting "EDDIE! EDDIE!" at the end of the video too. Just like old times.

Dolph Ziggler & The Miz d. John Morrison & Kofi Kingston (*1/2)
This was just okay. It was the kind of match that you wish could get 15 minutes to tell a story, but they got about eight and as a result all it really did was leave you wanting more. Obviously they were saving stuff for the PPV. I like a lot of things about Ziggler, but his name sucks and the "Zig Zag" finisher is brutal both as a name and due to the fact that the guy delivering the move is taking a bigger bump than the guy on the receiving end. Oh well. Ziggler's not winning on Sunday. Nope.

- Back to the party, Yoshi and Funaki were singing "Sexy Boy" because foreigners butchering songs are hilarious. It's one of the unwritten rules of pro wrestling. Other thing happened when Jerishow showed up claiming to the best basically (he is right, as always). As he was talking, Cole threw up on his shoes although we never actually saw it. We just saw Show react to it and gag. Then to end the comedy segment, Joey "Mr. WWE.com" Styles was there to bust out the "OH MY GOD!" to bring it to a close. This one wasn't as good as the earlier one. It was too cheesy even for WWE.

- Top of the hour saw The Rock deliver a video message. Wow, this was great. I don't know what to say that I forgot how great of a talker he was because I lived through it all, but man, after a while his greatness sticks out like a sore thumb. It was funny, it was not too over the top and I think you could tell from his facial expressions that he genuinely loved doing it. The only part that wasn't great was the new nickname he gave for CM Punk ("Bowel Movement" Punk), which was pretty weak. Other than that, it was gold, Jerry. Gold! He made me give a shit about Hell in a Cell more than any of the promos about it. That was his gift. He got you excited for PPV matches better than anybody. The weird thing were all the crowd shots of the kids in the crowd. Such a different culture from when Rock was in his prime. Most of those kids they showed weren't even alive when he was main eventing Manias. Oh, how time flies.

The most talked about thing was him mentioning that he might guest host Raw in the future. I think that obviously he'd be the best guest host they could possibly get. I'm only speculating here, but with his next movie coming out in December that will probably be around the time they get to have him. They should hype it a month in advance. Put ads all over newspapers and run commercials for it. It should be a big deal to have him in a WWE ring again running the show. As you can tell I have not only love for the guy, but an enormous amount of respect and admiration for all that he's accomplished. If you didn't see it look for it on youtube or go to WWE.com because they have it there too. Enjoy it.

One other thing. I hope Rock gets inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2010. They need the star power. He needs to be honored for his amazing career. Now that it's a PG family friendly company and he's a PG family friendly actor it seems to me like his people would allow him to do it if asked. The WWE's HOF is still bogus in a lot of ways, but in terms of getting The Rock in front of the camera again I'll be more than happy to pretend like it actually is an honor.

Michelle McCool d. Melina in a Lumberjill Match (1/4*)
They spend weeks building this up only to give them three minutes and have it end after Beth interfered. The crowd didn't care. And no sign of Mickie. That makes me not care. I guess the feud continues. By the way, two straight weeks of not mentioning the Melina/Maria/Michelle/Dolph stuff on Smackdown (Superstars doesn't count with me) that was about as bad as anything on WWE TV this year. Maria gave Melina a stern look, which the announcers didn't acknowledge. Good. Kill the angle.

- Undertaker did a backstage promo, 1980s style, talking into a camera. He called the Cell "Satan's Playground" among other things. Way to sell the match to the kiddies out there.

- Last party segment happened with Drew McIntyre showing up to say the party was just beginning because he was there. Right on cue, R-Truth tackled him and they brawled all over even ruining the cake (I'm sure Mark Henry was in tears) until they got broken up. If you go to WWE.com you can see that they added McIntyre vs. Truth to the Hell in a Cell PPV last minute.

The Undertaker, John Cena & DX d. Randy Orton, CM Punk & Legacy (***)
I don't know if it was the biggest main event ever in Smackdown history, but in terms of main events this year this certainly had a lot of star power. The match had three commercial breaks to go along with a fourth that happened after the babyfaces entered. They got about 22 minutes of in-ring action, which was certainly enough time. The match wasn't great, though. Not saying it was bad. It was just a pretty pedestrian effort, that's all. Throw in the fact that three of the four guys on the babyface team almost never lose even in tags and the outcome was obvious the moment the match was announced. I liked the tension between Michaels and Undertaker. It was just a staredown, but it worked. I hope there's a rematch at WrestleMania in 2010. Rematches sell. It was draw more than anything else on the show. The only other option would be Undertaker vs. Cena, which I can see happening only because what heel would Cena go up against that we haven't seen? I guess Punk, but it won't be that. Back to the match, it was what you'd' expect. The heels working over Michaels for a time, then Cena and then everything breaking down with the Undertaker getting the hot tag. They worked it out so all four faces circled Orton while the ref had no problem with it apparently. Undertaker gave him the Tombstone to win the match. Show ended with Undertaker staring down Punk.

Three Stars of the Show
1. The Rock - Still has it. Never will lose it.
2. The video package team for the Eddie Tribute video - Always awesome. Never get the respect they really deserve.
3. Michael Cole - The ability to laugh at himself the way he did was great. I laughed at the use of vintage too, as I'm sure everybody in my weekly Commentfest did also.

Rating: 7.5 (out of 10)
Last week: 6

Fun show. If you didn't enjoy this one stop being so damn negative. We got a long main event, the segments were generally pretty funny because they made fun of themselves and how can you complain when The Rock is there? Plus, the Eddie Guerrero video really lifted my spirits. I miss him so much. I guess I needed to see that.

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I'll be back on Tuesday for the Raw Deal. If you're a NFL fan check out my weekly picks column at the Sports Oratory located right here. Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend.

Smell ya later,
John Canton - oratoryjohn@gmail.com
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