The John Report: Talking Smack for 12/25/09 (DX Christmas)
Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE's Friday broadcast, Smackdown. I hope that Christmas treated you well if you were celebrating. It was fantastic for me. I won't get into it, though, because I doubt you're reading this for my take on Christmas. You want talk me to talk about Smackdown, so let's get to it.

-----------

Taped from Orlando, Florida let's talk some smack…

We started with some cooking segment that had Vickie hosting some Martha Stewart style cooking class. I don't know. The midget came in and ripped up the turkey that was standing there while Teddy Long enjoyed it. Amazing.

John Morrison, Finlay, R-Truth & Matt Hardy d. Drew McIntyre, CM Punk, Luke Gallows & Dolph Ziggler (**1/4)
One of the guys on the face team did a rap on the way to the ring. It was not Finlay. Solid match that got around ten minutes with each guy getting decent time in the ring. The heels worked on Hardy for a period, Morrison got the hot tag, everybody hit finishers and Morrison scored the win. Hey, a Dolph Ziggler sighting! Remember him? I still don't understand why he's in the doghouse, but the fact that he took the pinfall in this match shows that he's clearly entrenched there.

- The great Chris Jericho came out. He cut a promo about how disgusted he was that it was being billed a DX Christmas considering he's the face of Smackdown. He questioned what the Hart Dynasty has done to earn a title shot, which caused Kidd, Smith and Natalya to come out. Chris told them he remembers them being kids when he trained in the Dungeon while Smith & Kidd spouted off some lines that they memorized because they didn't come off naturally. That's the difference between Jericho and most people. He sounds natural when he talks. The people that aren't as skilled on the microphone do not. DX showed up on the screen. They tried being funny, but when it involves a Big Show "tickle me elmo" that farts when you hug it I can't really laugh. Michaels told the Hart's to go back up to Canada on a one way ticket to see polar bears and hockey. Again, not really funny. It ended and Jericho told THD to make an Impact, so they gave him the Hart clothesline to end the segment. I liked the Jericho/THD interaction. Man, that would be an awesome stable.

Why do they keep saying DX is controversial? They are the complete opposite of controversial now. They are corporate puppets shilling the merchandise of WWE at every opportunity. I love Shawn Michaels, he's my favorite wrestler ever, and I like HHH just fine, but I'm really getting tired of these repetitive DX skits. And it felt really out of place on Smackdown, the wrestling show.

- Backstage, Michelle & Layla went up to my girl Mickie. They gave her a Jenny Craig gift certificate (it's a place where women can lose weight) and taunted her about her weight. Mickie looked pissed off. This storyline isn't going away, that's for sure.

- Mysterio talked about miracles happening at this time of year, so tonight he'd have a miracle of his own in beating the Undertaker.

The Undertaker d. Rey Mysterio via DQ (**3/4)
I was excited for this one because I can't remember these two ever working before. The announcers said it's their first match, but can you really believe the announcers? Who knows. They showed some good chemistry considering their unfamiliarity with one another. Undertaker is such a good worker when he's up against a smaller guy because he's the master of the big man/little man spots that work. Undertaker went for the Last Ride, Rey countered with a springboard legdrop that got two. Undertaker was about to get a chokeslam, but Batista came in to attack Undertaker for the predictable DQ finish. Post match, Mysterio hit the 619 on both guys and left up the ramp smiling. I assume this is going to lead to a triple threat match at the Rumble with Batista winning the belt. I guess they could do it before the Rumble and then go with a Batista/Undertaker match there. Either way, I think this was done to insert Rey into the mix. Good match that got about ten minutes. I would love to see this again for 15-20 minutes because it could be great.

Cryme Tyme d. Bryce Andrews & Pat Buck (1/4*)
Cryme Tyme beat up and stole the presents of a heel Santa (played by FCW's Heath Slater, as I've read) before going to the ring for their match. They beat a couple of local jobbers and handed out gifts to the crowd. Nothing match. Only took about a minute.

- More backstage with Vickie and Teddy. Horny showed up to throw a pie in Vickie's face. Then he threw one in Teddy's face for good measure. Yes, the same pie in the face gag they did for Thanksgiving. Feel the creativity.

Mickie James & Maria d. Layla & Beth Phoenix (*1/4)
Michelle was on commentary. I thought her interaction with Striker - who was sporting an awful Christmas sweater - was pretty good. It's nice to have heel announcers again. A decent tag match. They had Maria and Layla start it off, which isn't always a good idea. They did okay, though. The heels worked over Maria until she gave my beloved Mickie James-Canton the hot tag. She cleaned house, taking care of Beth on the apron and finishing off Layla with her spin kick. Post match, she went after Michelle only for Beth to attack her and whip her into the side of the announce table. Pretty good bump by MJC. For the record, I still don't love the "Piggie James" storyline because calling Mickie fat is ridiculous to me. However, she's said in interviews that she's okay with it with the hope that it has a payoff at the end. I hope so too. If she's cool with it then I'm cool with it. I think this is leading to a triple threat with Beth, which should be solid. The women's wrestling on Smackdown is so much better than what we get on Raw now. It's not even close.

Next week we're getting McIntyre vs. Morrison for the IC title. Good. Have McIntyre retain and get Morrison in the Rumble. Hopefully he wins the Rumble although I have my doubts about that.

Degeneration X d. The Hart Dynasty (***1/2)
A 15 minute tag match main event? Yes please. It was so refreshing to see DX taking on fresh opponents. I'm a huge fan of Tyson Kidd. I think he'll be a breakout singles star although I think it'll be in 2011 rather than in 2010 because I can see the team sticking together throughout the year. It was a typical DX match (you thought I'd say vintage, huh?) with the heels working over HBK because he's the master of selling while HHH waited for the hot tag. I liked how they incorporated Natalya into it as she pulled Tyson out of the ring when HBK was ready to land the top rope elbow. The dueling British Bulldog-like delayed suplexes by HHH and Smith were really good too. Hunter got the hot tag, Shawn gave Smith the superkick while on the apron and DHS stumbled into HHH for the Pedigree. The champs retain. Good match. I would love to see this match again in the future. It's so refreshing to see HBK actually in the ring rather than being in those usually lame attempts at being funny.

To end the show, Hornswoggle posed with DX while having two words for us: "Merry Christmas." Almost as classy as "Suck It," isn't it?

Three Stars of the Show
1. The Hart Dynasty - Good to see them in a prominent role. Here's to a great 2010 for my favorite team in WWE.
2. Rey Mysterio - Continues to work his ass off despite having a knee injury that requires an operation. The guy is awesome.
3. DX - If they didn't have those awful polar bear/hockey jokes they'd have been the first stars.

Technically I cheated by giving more than three individuals the award for stars of the show, but it's my column. I make up the rules as I go. And I like it.

7 out of 10
Last week: 5

This show was reminiscent of a 2009 edition of Smackdown because it was another wrestling heavy show that, unlike Raw, actually features its performers in the ring. Three matches hit the ten minute mark with the main event going about 15 minutes. That's what I want to see. Of course, there was the typical DX skit, which fell pretty flat on its face and the Vickie/Teddy/Horny stuff wasn't as funny as Vince probably thought it was. Can't win 'em all. Still a very good wrestling show. I'm glad I watched it.

Anybody that bitches about WWE because they only watch Raw are missing the best show the company has week after week. The excuse that you're not home on Fridays is week. Use a DVR. Use a VCR. Watch it on the internet. If you don't know where, try youtube. It's there. I'm not home on Friday nights either, but I find time to watch it. Don't be lazy because it's a taped show. You should be watching wrestling for quality, not for the live factor. And if you don't want to know the results, avoid the spoilers. Smackdown's the better brand by far. Has been all year.

------------

As always, check out the blog at johnreport.wordpress.com for updated daily content. I didn't post on Christmas Day. That will probably be the only day where I don't make a post. I'm all about the daily content, so going forward I promise I'll have something up there every day whether it's a small commentary, a piece of news, a video, a retro column or whatever else comes to mind.

I'll be back on Tuesday with the Raw Deal as usual. It's Sheamus vs. Cena for the title. Not sure how it's going to go. I like not knowing stuff. It makes it more fun as a viewer.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton - oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Visit the blog: johnreport.wordpress.com
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport
AOLIM: OratorJC MSN: oratoryjohn@hotmail.com

Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.